


Beyond the surface

by LittleSopSop



Series: Beyond the ... [1]
Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: ChalexWeek2020, College, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, POV Outsider
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:00:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25613215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSopSop/pseuds/LittleSopSop
Summary: Mason didn't particularly like Alex. He really tried to integrate this guy into their group, but Alex just was so dismissive and angry, that he stopped caring.Maybe he should have looked a little beyond the surface before he completly gave up on the idea of getting closer to him.Chalex Week 2020, Day 4: College
Relationships: Charlie St. George/Alex Standall
Series: Beyond the ... [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1866334
Comments: 21
Kudos: 72
Collections: Chalex Week 2020





	Beyond the surface

**Author's Note:**

> ***Warning***  
>  In this story people discuss mental health and suicide. If you don't like that or if you don't feel comfortable with it, this is not for you. Your own mental wellness is always of utmost importance!
> 
> Hello lovely people!  
> So this is my first work in a really long time and also the first one I wrote in English.  
> English is not my first language and I had no one who looked over it so please be kind?  
> If you see any spelling or grammar mistakes it's okay to point them out (I like constructive criticism!)
> 
> Okay, so I had this idea and I wanted to post it within ChalexWeek2020 because it was inspired by the prompts "outsiders perspective" and "college". But because I didn't have much time and I'm not a well versed writer I think this one might need some improvement in the furture.  
> I'm not completly happy with the ending, but like I said I wanted to be part of ChalexWeek and that meant cutting some corners.

Mason was thoroughly confused by the existence of his housemate Alex. Not literally of course. He knew how babies were made, but more in a _why are you here?_ sense. Not only was Alex a freshman in an apartment style dorm that only allowed returning students, he also was the only one who got a single room. A freshman! It just wasn’t fair.  
But that alone wouldn’t puzzle him so much if Alex didn’t seem like such a recluse.

Mason liked to think of himself as an easy-going, laidback type of guy and when he met Alex for the first time, he had no problem with him taking the single. He liked his roommate Jeff and one of the other two guys in their apartment, Thomas, shared a class with him last semester, so he was fine with sharing a room. The thing wasn’t so much that he wanted the room for himself and more that Alex didn’t seem to fit in at all! Which was weird considering how extensive the questionnaire for the dorm room application was and how well he and the other three guys got along. It further confirmed his suspicion that either there was made a mistake or that Alex somehow had sketchy connections. He wouldn’t put it past him to be honest.

When the semester started, and they all moved into their apartment, the other guys and him tried to make Alex feel welcomed. They invited him to parties and get-togethers, even organized a parties on their own so Alex could meet new people, but he just mysteriously vanished the minute the party started and only came back the next afternoon. Mason still didn’t know where he spent the night those days.

He was a nice guy! So why the hell was this scrawny kid so adamant of not getting to know his housemates? When they asked if he wanted to go to the club with them, he was borderline rude in denying them. So yes, maybe he got a bit resentful towards Alex, but that was his own fault. Who in their right mind would want to completely ignore their housemates? It was just beyond him. After some time, he just gave up the pretence and stopped caring if Alex was integrating well. Obviously, he didn’t want to integrate. At least not into their group of friends!

If Mason was honest, he liked to pretend he didn’t care, but deep down he knew that given the chance he would like to solve the enigma that was Alex, but alas that didn’t seem very likely to happen soon.

Apart from Alex being a pain in the ass, his new semester was going great. The last years he lived in a double where he shared a bathroom and a common room with the hole floor. Not that he had any issues with it, but he did like the more private feel of an apartment even though he shared it with four other guys. At least now everybody had some decent sized space in the fridge.

He also resumed his spot on the swimming team and was planning on taking part in their competitions this semester. Last semester he had a bad ear infection that forced him to take a break from training and competition, so he was glad that he could start once again.  
Training today was cut short which was why he was on his way back to the dormitory earlier than normal. It was a nice Friday evening and he was thinking about maybe going to that bar Jeff mentioned he wanted to try out today. Normally he wouldn’t bother going after training, but he wasn’t tired yet, so why not go for a beer with his roommates. But first he needed to change out of his sweatpants and put on a decent shirt. 

When he entered the apartment he heard voices coming from the living room. Weird. Jeff had let him know that their group were already at the bar.

He carefully set his bag down next to the entrance and silently walked closer to the living area.

“I’m really glad you’re here”, he heard Alex’s soft voice.

“Of course. I promised, didn’t I? Also, you know I can’t go too long without seeing you. I really missed you the last couple of weeks.”

The second voice, Mason didn’t recognise, and it poked his curiosity. As quite as possible Mason sneaked even closer to the living room so that he could see who was talking. On the couch with the back to him sat Alex. He had turned to his companion, who sat on the couch close to Alex. Really close.  
Alex let his head sink down on to the other guys shoulder and that was when Mason realised that Alex had to sit on his lap.  
It wasn’t so much that it was guy – they looked cute together - but more so that Alex had anyone get so close to him. Up until now the only method of communication Alex seemed capable of, had been sarcasm and sass. But now his voice had gone unbelievable soft for this unknown guy. For a moment he was so stunned by that revelation that he stopped listening to their conversation.

“So how was the session today?”, the other guy asked while his hand started massaging Alex’s neck. Alex didn’t even seem to notice this and only slightly looked up. Presumably to look into that guys eyes.

“Do we really need to talk about it, Charlie?”, Alex inquired. On the surface his question seemed dismissive, but the guy, apparently called Charlie, wasn’t bothered by that. He turned his head in Alex’s direction and pressed a small kiss onto his hair.

“Not if you don’t want to. But you know you can tell me anything right? I know that I kind of pushed you to go to these counselling sessions and I truly think they might help you. But I don’t want you to feel like you have to go. I guess what I want to know is, if you feel comfortable going and if it helps you.”

Alex was silent only for a couple of seconds, but to Mason it felt like the silence stretched into oblivion. Alex had counselling sessions? Why? Mason was anxious for answers, but at the same time he knew he should either just turn around and go or make his presence known. He did neither when Alex continued.

“I guess they help. Sarah is … nice? Like she is listening a lot. And you know I don’t open up easily, so there is a lot of silence, but she doesn’t seem to mind too much.  
She really helps me with my anxiety, but often it still is too much. I don’t know most people here and it can feel isolating.”

 _Then why the hell wouldn’t you let us in, Alex?_ If Alex felt as lost here as he said, why didn’t he take any of their invitations?

“The other guys here are so loud and lively all the time. I don’t think they like me very much and that’s fine, but I wish they could just shut up sometimes.  
They can make me feel so uncomfortable. It feels like they want to pressure me into being like them – constantly partying and drinking and social. I guess they don’t mean to, but … I can get so angry at them. In those moments it’s like I can’t control myself anymore. It really scares me, but Sarah says that anger issues are a symptom of my TBI and that we will work on them.” 

Mason was confused. He didn’t know what TBI meant, but it seemed to really fuck with Alex’s emotions. In retrospect it might be true that he and the boys used the start of the semester to have fun while they still had time. Having fun, for them meant parties and booze and girls. Don’t get him wrong he was monogamous, but that didn’t mean that he couldn’t have some consensual fun in the mean time.

Okay so maybe their approach of Alex hadn’t been the greatest and he should probably really stop listening in on their conversation, but he was curious. He always had been and even if it caused him quite some trouble in the past, he couldn’t help himself.

“I’m really proud of you and I love you.”, Charlie muttered into Alex’s hair.

“You know I love you too, right? I mean … I don’t really say it that often and I’m not so great at showing it…”  
Alex was visibly tense, but before he could continue Charlie interrupted Alex.

“Oh Alex. You are great at showing it. Believe me. I bet if you asked any of our friends, they could think of a thousand situations where you showed them how much you care.” Charlie paused for a moment and then continued: “I truly wish I could show you how I see you. You are so great Alex and it makes me sad that you could think so little of yourself.”

“You know that you make my life better, don’t you? It’s just that … sometimes everything seems so grey and without meaning. I like to trick myself into thinking that it is caused by my TBI and granted that bit doesn’t make the situation any better, but deep down I know that part of me was always like that. There is a reason I shot myself in the head, Charlie.”

Mason was breathing really hard now. It felt like his chest was compressed and he just couldn’t get enough air in. If both Alex and Charlie wouldn’t have been so focused on each other they surely would have heard him by now.  
He felt how he tried to regain control over his overflowing emotions by digging his nails into his arm. The pain was a welcomed distraction. He knew that he heard too much already. This was highly private, but it was as if he had been glued to the floor.

“I never told you this, but in senior year of high school, when everything with Bryce just got too much, I asked Tyler if he still had a gun … and when he said no, I played it off. But if I’m honest …. if I’m honest I was searching for a way out, you know?”

_Oh Alex._

“Oh Alex.”, Charlie said. He pulled Alex even closer to him. Mason didn’t know if he did it to comfort Alex or because he needed the reassurance himself. Charlie’s body shook like a leaf. He was crying silently while he held Alex.

“You have been through so much pain and I understand that it formed you, but please if you ever feel like that again, please reach out. I know it might feel like sometimes you are so alone in this world, but you are not. There are so many people who care for you. And no matter how hard you try to push us away, we will always be here for you.”

Mason didn’t notice at first, but he was crying too. He tried to mimic their embrace by putting his own arms around himself in an attempt to console himself. He didn’t know what to think or what to do. The thought that Alex could have died before he even met him was heart-breaking.

He had felt so righteous when he had complained about Alex’s existence, but now all he felt was shame. Shame that he never tried to see beyond the surface.  
Now Alex’s behaviour made sense. He avoided crowds, he was skittish and private and obviously not someone who enjoyed parties. Why had he thought that trying to force a party on Alex had been a good idea?

_Because I didn’t think that he wouldn’t be like us. I just automatically assumed he would tick the same way Jeff, Thomas, William and I did. And when it turned out he didn’t, I blamed him for it. Did I ever bother asking him if he minded us throwing parties at our apartment? No, I didn’t._

Mason needed some fresh air to clear his head, so he turned around quietly and sneaked back to the front door. He opened and closed the door carefully and took a deep breath once he was outside.

He quickly texted Jeff that he wouldn’t come to the bar. He didn’t give an explanation to why and Jeff didn’t ask.

The revelation he just witnessed was not only messing with his idea of who Alex was, but also caused him to start thinking about who he himself really was. He wanted to believe that he was a good guy, but clearly, he could act quite inconsiderably. He still thought that Alex had been rude to them in the end, but he could see now that both parties had been at fault for their strained relationship. Mason knew he would like to start over with Alex, get to know him. Maybe one day they actually might become friends.

He had a feeling it might be worth the try.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it? Like I said this deals with some heavy themes and I hope I did them justice. If anyone has any problems with how I portrayed certain things I'm always open for constructive criticism. 
> 
> Anyway, I wish all of you well and a happy ChalexWeek2020


End file.
